Re: A Little Sunday Humour


Subject: Re: A Little Sunday Humour
From: sylvi macCormac (macCormac@shaw.ca)
Date: Sun Aug 14 2005 - 10:38:06 EDT


xcellent :-O now i know what i want to be when i grow up ;-)

morning, sylvi macCormac
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
http://www.sylvi.ca / na / da / bc

Ned Bouhalassa wrote:

> From the osxaudio forum:
>
> The Top 40 Signs That You've Been Hanging Around Synths and Samplers
> Too Long:
>
> 40. You not only tap in time to the indicators on your car, but know
> how many BPM they flash at.
>
> 39. You go to hear an orchestra with your girlfriend, and while she
> listens to the beautiful music, you calculate the polyphony required
> to reproduce it.
>
> 38. In addition to your in and out trays at work, you also have one marked
> 'thru'.
>
> 37. Last Christmas you synced your Christmas tree lights to your TB-303.
>
> 36. The accelerator on your car has aftertouch.
>
> 35. Your cat's name is Octave.
>
> 34. You expect the cutoff frequency of your door to change when you turn
> the knob...
>
> 33. Your girlfriend/wife drapes a wig over your favorite synth to remind
> you what she looks like.
>
> 32. You step out of your studio and realize that your family moved and you
> don't have a clue when it happened.
>
> 31. You have "Frequency" and "Resonance" tattooed above your nipples.
> (Don't ask where the pitchbend is...)
>
> 30. Your daughter's new boyfriend has tattoos, rides a Harley, and doesn't
> have a job. But you don't mind because his name is Roland.
>
> 29. Your telephone answering machine message took 2 days to write and
> produce.
>
> 28. There is no couch, coffee table, dinner table or chairs in your
> apartment; only racks, mixers, keyboards, cables and power cords.
>
> 27. You have bass bins for end tables.
>
> 26. It is dangerous to walk around in your own living room at night.
> (See 2
>
> 25. There's a giant yellow ball in the sky, and your not quite sure
> what it is, but when you go outside it burns out you retinas and
> makes your skin glow.
>
> 24. You wait until 12:01 A.M. to read the on-line music classified
> ads and can effectively scan them in under a minute.
>
> 23. You never answer the phone. (Hmm...I wonder if it's to get
> people to listen to the answering message you spent so much time on
> in 29?)
>
> 22. When all your significant other has to say, "Oh no, not another
> one" and you know what they're talking about.
>
> 21. If you just like to sit in the dark and watch all the pretty
> lights blink and glow.
>
> 20. If you perk-up on Sundays when you hear the word "Prophet".
>
> 19. You would rather fiddle with your synthesizer's knobs than
> fiddle with your girlfriend's/wife's knobs.
>
> 18. Somehow, you haven't been able to budget for clothes for 2+
> years, but you have found thousands of dollars to buy gear.
>
> 17. Your girlfriend/wife goes to bed, You go to your STUDIO.
>
> 16. Your friends say "Why would you pay $XXX for that piece of
> crap?" and you glare back and actually get offended...
>
> 15. You can tell the difference between 12dB/24dB filters by ear...
>
> 14. You prefer "analog" instead of "digital" home appliances
> because 'they just work better '
>
> 13. You start wondering if you can obtain a 24 db neural implant to
> filter your ever-increasing tinnitus problem.
>
> 12. You devise a method of connecting your CV sequencer to a mains
> relay to trigger the coffee machine every 1,024 gate pulses
>
> 11. Every piece of clothing you own has a synth manufacturers logo
> on it. You scam them for free every trade show you attend. This
> allows more money for the important things in life.
>
> 10. Your wife/girlfriend leaves you. You go into a depression for a
> while, then decide you can win her back with a simple, touching and
> heartfelt song, written especially for her. 6 months later, you are
> still mixing it.
>
> 9. You go to a trade show. You rush over to the brand new synth on
> display, fiddle for 5 minutes, declare it "a piece of crap" and then
> go on to tell the company reps how it works, where the PCM samples
> came from, and offer to do them better samples from your own analog
> wardrobes, all in a very loud voice. They give you an embroidered
> tour jacket on the condition that you go away NOW. (see 11)
>
> 8. Synth manufacturers call YOU for technical support.
>
> 7. First thing you think of after sex is turning on your synths.
>
> 6. You get excited about talking electronic toys and try to subvert
> them into saying bad words or doing weird stuff so you can sample
> them.
>
> 5. You dream of finding a $50.00 Moog 55 at a garage sale, and after
> you've thought of it, you stop at every one you see!
>
> 4. You carry around a picture of your modular in your wallet to show
> everyone.
>
> 3. Your monthly power bill is always in the triple digits.
>
> 2. You have a rack-mounted microwave oven.
>
> ...and the the #1 sign that you've been hanging around synths and
> samplers too long:
> -You understand every last term and joke used in this article!
>
> w w w . n e d f x . c o m
>
> Ned Bouhalassa
>
> n e d @ n e d f x . c o m



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