A Little Sunday Humour


Subject: A Little Sunday Humour
From: Ned Bouhalassa (ned@nedfx.com)
Date: Sun Aug 14 2005 - 11:06:22 EDT


 From the osxaudio forum:

  The Top 40 Signs That You've Been Hanging Around Synths and Samplers
  Too Long:

  40. You not only tap in time to the indicators on your car, but know
  how many BPM they flash at.

  39. You go to hear an orchestra with your girlfriend, and while she
  listens to the beautiful music, you calculate the polyphony required
  to reproduce it.

  38. In addition to your in and out trays at work, you also have one
marked
  'thru'.

  37. Last Christmas you synced your Christmas tree lights to your
TB-303.

  36. The accelerator on your car has aftertouch.

  35. Your cat's name is Octave.

  34. You expect the cutoff frequency of your door to change when you
turn
  the knob...

  33. Your girlfriend/wife drapes a wig over your favorite synth to
remind
  you what she looks like.

  32. You step out of your studio and realize that your family moved and
you
  don't have a clue when it happened.

  31. You have "Frequency" and "Resonance" tattooed above your nipples.
  (Don't ask where the pitchbend is...)

  30. Your daughter's new boyfriend has tattoos, rides a Harley, and
doesn't
  have a job. But you don't mind because his name is Roland.

  29. Your telephone answering machine message took 2 days to write and
  produce.

  28. There is no couch, coffee table, dinner table or chairs in your
  apartment; only racks, mixers, keyboards, cables and power cords.

  27. You have bass bins for end tables.

  26. It is dangerous to walk around in your own living room at night.
  (See 2

  25. There's a giant yellow ball in the sky, and your not quite sure
  what it is, but when you go outside it burns out you retinas and
  makes your skin glow.

  24. You wait until 12:01 A.M. to read the on-line music classified
  ads and can effectively scan them in under a minute.

  23. You never answer the phone. (Hmm...I wonder if it's to get
  people to listen to the answering message you spent so much time on
  in 29?)

  22. When all your significant other has to say, "Oh no, not another
  one" and you know what they're talking about.

  21. If you just like to sit in the dark and watch all the pretty
  lights blink and glow.

  20. If you perk-up on Sundays when you hear the word "Prophet".

  19. You would rather fiddle with your synthesizer's knobs than
  fiddle with your girlfriend's/wife's knobs.

  18. Somehow, you haven't been able to budget for clothes for 2+
  years, but you have found thousands of dollars to buy gear.

  17. Your girlfriend/wife goes to bed, You go to your STUDIO.

  16. Your friends say "Why would you pay $XXX for that piece of
  crap?" and you glare back and actually get offended...

  15. You can tell the difference between 12dB/24dB filters by ear...

  14. You prefer "analog" instead of "digital" home appliances
  because 'they just work better '

  13. You start wondering if you can obtain a 24 db neural implant to
  filter your ever-increasing tinnitus problem.

  12. You devise a method of connecting your CV sequencer to a mains
  relay to trigger the coffee machine every 1,024 gate pulses

  11. Every piece of clothing you own has a synth manufacturers logo
  on it. You scam them for free every trade show you attend. This
  allows more money for the important things in life.

  10. Your wife/girlfriend leaves you. You go into a depression for a
  while, then decide you can win her back with a simple, touching and
  heartfelt song, written especially for her. 6 months later, you are
  still mixing it.

  9. You go to a trade show. You rush over to the brand new synth on
  display, fiddle for 5 minutes, declare it "a piece of crap" and then
  go on to tell the company reps how it works, where the PCM samples
  came from, and offer to do them better samples from your own analog
  wardrobes, all in a very loud voice. They give you an embroidered
  tour jacket on the condition that you go away NOW. (see 11)

  8. Synth manufacturers call YOU for technical support.

  7. First thing you think of after sex is turning on your synths.

  6. You get excited about talking electronic toys and try to subvert
  them into saying bad words or doing weird stuff so you can sample
  them.

  5. You dream of finding a $50.00 Moog 55 at a garage sale, and after
  you've thought of it, you stop at every one you see!

  4. You carry around a picture of your modular in your wallet to show
  everyone.

  3. Your monthly power bill is always in the triple digits.

  2. You have a rack-mounted microwave oven.

  ...and the the #1 sign that you've been hanging around synths and
  samplers too long:
  -You understand every last term and joke used in this article!

w w w . n e d f x . c o m

       Ned Bouhalassa

n e d @ n e d f x . c o m



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