I didn't write this, but I did edit it. :-)

C

You shoot yourself in the foot.

C++

You accidentally create a dozen instances of yourself and shoot them all in the foot. Providing emergency medical care is impossible since you can't tell which are bitwise copies and which are just pointing at others and saying, "That's me, over there."

Access

You try to point the gun at your foot, but it shoots holes in all of your Borland distribution diskettes instead.

Ada

After correctly packing your foot, you attempt to concurrently load the gun, pull the trigger, scream, and shoot yourself in the foot. When you try, however, you discover that you can't because your foot is of the wrong type.

Algol

You shoot yourself in the foot with a musket. The musket is esthetically fascinating, and the wound baffles the adolescent medic in the emergency room.

APL

You hear a gunshot, and there's a hole in your foot, but you don't remember enough linear algebra to understand what happened.

Assembler

You try to shoot yourself in the foot, only to discover that you must first invent the gun, the bullet, the trigger, and your foot.

BASIC

Shoot yourself in foot with water pistol. On big systems, continue until entire lower body is waterlogged.

COBOL

USEing a COLT 45 HANDGUN, AIM gun at LEG.FOOT, THEN place ARM.HAND.FINGER on HANDGUN.TRIGGER and SQUEEZE, THEN return HANDGUN to HOLSTER. CHECK whether shoelace needs to be retied.

Concurrent Euclid

You shoot yourself in somebody else's foot.

FORTH

Foot in yourself shoot.

FORTRAN

You shoot yourself in each toe, iteratively, until you run out of toes, then you read in the next foot and repeat. If you run out of bullets, you continue anyway because you have no exception-handling ability.

HyperTalk

Put the first bullet of the gun into the left of leg of you. Answer the result.

LISP

You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds...

Modula-2

After realizing that you can't accomplish anything in this language, you shoot yourself in the head.

Motif

You spend days writing a UIL description of your foot, the bullet, its trajectory, and the intricate scrollwork on the ivory handles of the gun. When you finally get around to pulling the trigger, the gun jams.

Paradox

Not only can you shoot yourself in the foot, your users can too.

Pascal

The compiler won't let you shoot yourself in the foot.

PL/I

You consume all available system resources, including all the offline bullets. The Data Processing and Payroll Department doubles its size, triples its budget, acquires four new mainframes, and drops the original one on your foot.

Prolog

You tell your program that you want to be shot in the foot. The program figures out how to do it, but the syntax doesn't allow it to explain.

Revelation

You'll be able to shoot yourself in the foot, just as soon as you figure out what all these nifty bullet-thingies are for.

Scheme

You shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds the gun with which you shoot yourself in the appendage which holds... ...but none of the other appendages are aware of this happening.

sh, csh, etc.

You can't remember the syntax for anything, so you spend five hours reading man pages before giving up. You then shoot the computer and switch to C.

Smalltalk

You spend so much time playing with the graphics and windowing system that your boss shoots you in the foot, takes away your workstation, and makes you develop in COBOL on a character terminal.

SNOBOL

If you succeed, shoot yourself in the left foot. If you fail, shoot yourself in the right foot.

Visual Basic

You'll really only appear to have shot yourself in the foot, but you'll have had so much fun doing it that you won't care.

Xbase

Shooting yourself is no problem. If you want to shoot yourself in the foot, you'll have to use Clipper.

370 JCL

You send your foot down to MIS with a 4000-page document explaining how you want it to be shot. Three years later, your foot comes back deep-fried.